self responsbility

How to Avoid Drama + Pain in Your Relationship During Eclipse Season

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Eclipse season is an astrological phase of time where there are two eclipses pretty close to each other. These babies are notorious for affecting the deep emotional bodies of us sweet humans.

The basic gist is this: As the moon goes into total darkness, your deepest darkest comes to the surface. It's often a time of being confronted with the stuff you'd rather keep under the rug, locked in the basement forever.

Despite its uncomfortable and often inconvenient nature, it is actually important and in service to your wholeness. The emotional junk gets drudged up so you can meet it, feel it, heal it, and integrate it. This is all good news, but it can be a messy process. One, that if we aren't mindful, can cause unnecessary pain and drama in your relationship.

Here are my tips to work with your eclipse process so it doesn't bring down your relationship in the process:

  1. Make extra space to just be with yourself

    Even if it’s just in the other room for 20min. Journal, do a guided meditation. Do nothing. Breathe. Cry. Dance. Do nothing.

  2. Have the hard conversation

    Set yourself up well to have that conversation you know needs to happen. This means not right before bed, not inebriated, not at the work function, and not via tex. I know it’s scary - but the braver you are to speak truth held in love, the better you’ll harvest the honey in both of your hearts (and avoid drawn out crunchy defended phases)

  3. Don’t take on each other’s process.

    Stay in your own lane. Work your self responsibility muscles. Request space if your partner’s process is deeply triggering for you or is very easy for you to take on. Be open to your partner making similar requests.

  4. Slow down when you connect with your boo.

    Take deep breaths. Be gentle and sweet with each other. Make a lil’ space to consciously connect. Expand your connection time beyond watching movies and talking about logistics.

  5. Stay in the “no conclusion” zone.

    This is a phrase coined by my sweetie Tobin. Basically take the feelings and sensations one step at a time. Keep doing things that are grounding and nourishing. Walks, water, tea, nature. This too shall pass and the insights will come. Don’t get caught up in fully understanding and intellectualizing it all AS it is happening. Stay in the no conclusion zone.

  6. Inquire into your relationship

    Ask yourself and each other, “What is asking to die and be released in our relationship? What is asking to be created in our relationship? What can we shift?” Rebirth time baby.

  7. Sprinkle a little thoroughness onto your communication.

    Think you’re being clear? Take a step or two more to be extra extra extra clear. It might even see ridiculous at moments, but trust me this is a time where it’s better to over communicate than under.

  8. Get support

    If you notice a dynamic has gotten swirly or really hard to navigate, schedule a session with your coach, couples counselor, or therapist. No one ever said, “Wow I’m so glad we waited weeks for our dynamic to get supremely hellish before we got relationship support.” Seriously. DO IT.

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Take this time to fully meet and greet the friction. And remember, sometimes the friction in your relationship IS the pathway of bringing up your old sh*t. Hold it as such, a vehicle for your own growth.

There’s always medicine during these times, so be extra willing to do the heart work!

Happy eclipse season lovers!


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