Fantasy can kill your relationship.
I’m not talking some sexy fantasy, I mean relationship fantasy.
You know, the fantasy of the perfect partner who has the immaculate proportions of all your most important qualities, skills, values, income, and looks.
Not only can the fantasy keep you out of being in good relationship (always saying No because the person doesn’t fit every single little detail), but it can also derail the relationship you’re in.
The derailing goes down in two ways:
1. You criticize your boo at every moment so they are forced to fit your fantasy (ouch)
2. You project your fantasy onto your partner early on in the relationship - which causes you to be blind to who they really are (And who they really are may not be a good true fit for you).
Either way you aren’t actually relating and loving your partner, you are loving your fantasy of them.
Best thing you can do about it:
Stay grounded even if you’re falling in love
Be willing to really look honestly at the hard moments, mess ups, and truth (even if it’s ugly & you don’t wanna)
Get clear on your bottom lines / deal breakers (what HAS to be there for you feel met, honored, etc).
Acknowledge and be loving to any part of you that is scared of intimacy and using the fantasy standards to “protect” yourself
Remember - you are here to love a human, not an idea - no one is perfect & love is a PRACTICE
Acknowledge and be loving to any part of you that looks for the fantasy man/woman to rescue and save you.
Have high standards and love dreams, yes! But let’s ground them so it’s an integrated part of life, not just a doe-eyed fantasy.