023 | Transforming Frustration & Tension Patterns in Relationships


Have you ever felt beyond frustrated that your partner wasn’t living into their potential or wasn’t showing up in the way you needed in your relationship? 


Have you or your partner ever closed down, shut down, or emotionally punished as a way to try to make him/her change? 


This maddening dynamic is SO common in relationships. It can show up at different times and for different reasons, but the tension and pain loop is the same. 


The good news is that you don’t have to stay in this painful tension pattern! It can be transformed! My guest today, Tobin Zivon, who has worked with thousands of couples, explains why the frustration cycle happens and shares the deep process to unwind, heal, and shake loose from it.


Tobin has been a practicing intimacy & relationship coach for over two decades and has so much wisdom to share. He also happens to be my partner :) This is our VERY FIRST episode together where I pick his brain on this area of his expertise and share some insights from my own process. 


In this episode we discussed: 


  • The love loop and enhancement cycle that’s possible in relationship

  • The most common challenges and frustrations the feminine face in relationship

  • What to do with the grief and disappointment when your partner isn’t showing up the way you want/need/ know is possible

  • Why closure, anger, frustration, and shut down don’t work as tactics to change your partner or create the shifts you crave in your relationship

  • What causes the common punishing / gripping contraction in the feminine 

  • How to discern if the relationship is worth staying in

  • The ways fantasy and being overly focused on potential can hurt your love life

  • Common challenges and frustrations the masculine face in relationship

  • The shadow that commonly arises for the masculine in relationship

  • What causes the masculine to hide and check out in partnership


The Men’s Mastery Mentorship starts Oct 2019. Email TobinZivon@gmail.com to apply


Connect with Tobin

Website: www.tobinzivon.com

Instagram: @tobinzivon

Facebook: Tobin Zivon

Couples Course (opens October 17th)


About Tobin

Tobin Zivon has been a love, intimacy and relationship coach for over two decades.  Tobin is the  author of The Art of Mindful Living and the upcoming book The Art of Awakened Relationship, Tobin helps groups, couples and individuals blossom to their highest potential.

His brilliance shines most brightly in the realms of love, intimacy and sacred sexuality. 

Tobin has been lovingly nicknamed the “Couples Whisperer”, and has worked with thousands of individuals and couples to help them break through stuck patterns and painful dynamics into a new, more fulfilling and connected life of love and sexual satisfaction.

Having studied under some of the most well known tantra teachers, therapists, and spiritual leaders, Tobin has a deep and vital approach to relationships that brings your awakening directly into your relationship, and your relationship directly into your awakening.

His extensive training includes 6 years in a Zen Center, 12 years in the Ridhwan School (under the direction of AH Almaas), a three-year apprenticeship with one of the foremost transpersonal psychotherapists in America, five years with Adyashanti, and a teacher-training program with the South African Tantra teacher Shakti Malan.

Tobin offers private sessions to individual & couples, along with online relationship courses and mentorships for men.

You can learn more at  www.TOBINZIVON.com

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